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Thinking is something that everyone does almost every second of the day, even when they don't realize it. A persons thoughts can make them grow to be a stronger individual both mentally and emotionally.

WELCOME BACK! ALL IS NOT LOST! Recently, last night as a matter of fact, (Saturday, July 3,2004), I was sent an e-mail from someone who is featured on my "Current Poems" page and said he visited my site and as I quote him, he said, "been kinda quiet there". He couldn't have been more on target with that! He also said, " but I understand you have a lot on your platter". Right on target once more! A few other things that he said was, "I've been there in the recent past but did not post in the guestbook (although he did last night)...Remember, you come first in life and make sure that you look out for yourself...ya gotta be able to take care of yourself! Your goal must be getting to that point". On this last part about me coming first in life and looking out for and taking care of myself, he is not alone with that comment. I have been told that by several people as a matter of fact and the old saying goes, "You're never too old to change", although some would disagree with that because of the saying, "You can't teach an old dog new tricks". Well, I am here to say, that is not true! My life is about constant changes, every day! Sometimes it takes a good slap in the face (not literally) to wake me up! Every person that has told me I need to think of me, has only my best interests at heart and I thank them from the bottom of my heart! The slap in the face hit me last night, when at 3:30 in the morning, I was still up and composing my latest poem, which can be found on my "Current Poems" page. I realized for the first time that I needed to do something for myself for a change, not that I don't love and enjoy doing things for others, but I usually put everyone first, before myself, which is not a bad thing, but I have let so many things get in the way of something that I love to do, something that gives me passion in life, my poetry! It had been seven months since I last composed a poem. I started many, but set them aside because I had other responsibilities to take care of and it wasn't until last night, in the quiet peacefulness of my house, when everyone was asleep, that the words began to flow. My mind was going at a fast pace and it didn't take long for the right words to come out and to be put down on paper. Most who know me, know that I am a full time student at a University, a full time wife, a full time mother, and a full time grandmother to a very active one year old little boy who I adore and love to take care of and, with day to day life, they also know that with all of these things, certain problems can arise that can put one's life at a hault. I stopped writing poetry, my schooling fell behind and I was placed on Academic Probation and I became wrapped up in what I call "a pity parade". In writing my latest poem, entitled, "Holding My Hand", I realized that if I stop doing what I love the most in life, the one thing that gives me passion, which is my poetry, I am nothing but an empty shell, just existing, and that isn't me! I am so much more than a full time wife, mother, and grandmother! I have the potential to change lives, to give a part of me that I didn't see in myself, but others did! I am in total "awe" of how well people know me, even more than I know myself and that can be a very scary thing, but, at the same time, a very useful tool. My eyes have been opened for the first time in a very long time. In simply writing the poem that I wrote last night, I have given myself (along with a several others encouragement and support) the motivation that I needed so desperately to allow myself to work harder than ever to catch up on my schoolwork, to fulfill a dream that I thought was going by the wayside, and that is to be a certified teacher, and not only that, but to continue writing my poems, my thoughts, my journal entries, all of which has suffered greatly because of my "pity parade" and my life as an individual has also suffered greatly because I have not taken time for myself. This is no longer an issue! I am taking control of my life now, and I will continue to make time for myself to do whatever it is that I need to do, to relax, to heal my body of so much pain that it is physically going through, to heal my mind emotionally of any anger or bitterness that it is holding deep inside, and to heal myself spiritually through prayer and through my poetry, so that my heart can rest and know that this is my life and no one can take care of it, but me! I lead a very busy life, where there is never a dull moment in my house, which is filled with family, and friends of my youngest son and those of a another teen that lives with us, and although I will still have all the responsibilities of every day life, I am willing to make changes and I will honestly be able to say, that "ALL IS NOT LOST", for I am still here, and I am a survivor. I can say to myself, "WELCOME BACK". Thank you, to all those who had a part in helping me see that I need to take care of myself. I could list them all by name, but, I won't, for you "all" know who you are!



What if everything we grew up with that we believed were fairy tales was true and that our real life as we believe we are living is actually not real!  What if our fairy tales was our escape for what happens bad in life and gives us hope for all that's gone wrong!  I think that is a very good thought!  Can you imagine the hope there would be for those who have lost their way in life and have no reason to go on but for that which they fantasize in their minds and believes is real.  Life can be a nightmare at times so if we dream happy thoughts, who is to say that the nightmare while we are awake isn't just that, a nightmare, and the dream of happy thoughts is actually our real life.  It could help that one person who has lost their way, give them renewed hope in knowing that what is happening to them is just a dream.  When a small child dreams of their mother or father who has passed away, and they are in their arms, wouldn't it be great if that was truly what was really happening, and that in their wake state when that parent is gone is actually a dream.  It sounds strange but strange things do happen.

June 13, 2005

The above quote was said almost daily by a most wonderful woman, my mother-in-law, Providenza Maria Scarlata, a very wise Sicilian woman.  She was small in stature but tall in knowledge, kindness and love for her family and friends.  We lost this amazing woman on April 11th to cancer.  She was 94 years young and when I say young, I mean it.  There was nothing that could keep her down.  She cooked while I worked, she did the dishes, cleaned her own room and her own bathroom, and she still had energy to play with her great grandson Landon.  Oh my, could she and a not quite two year old little boy argue.  Both with fiery tempers!  She would tell him no and point her finger at him and he would point right back and grumble in baby talk right back at her as if to tell her not to tell him what to do.  They share a special bond.  When things got tough you would hear her say "Great life if you don't weaken" and somehow, she never did weaken, not until the very end when cancer won.  Even then you could still see the fight in her eyes, that fire that comes from deep within that tells you to keep fighting no matter what and don't give up until you absolutely have to.  She fought a good fight and we will miss her dearly for as long as we live.  She lived with us for 17 years and although we had our moments as everyone does, we loved, we shared, and we made memories.  We will see each other once again when it is our turn to fight that battle and we will embrace that wonderful moment. 

September 17, 2012

"Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty.  Anyone who keeps learning stays young.  The greatest thing in life is to keep your mind young"  - Henry Ford

The above quote comes to mind because just yesterday while I was working and I punched holes in the wrong end of some papers, I quickly turned them around and punched them in the other end.  My coworker who was relieving me laughed and said, "I did that once."  I told her I knew because I was there the day she did it.  She quickly snickered and said, "You're four years older than I am, how come you can remember things and I can't?"  I said the first thing that came to mind, "Maybe it's all the schooling."  Tonight I came across this quote on my quotes page and I thought how fitting it was.  Your brain is a mystery!  It can remember things that most people forget and yet it can make you forget things that bring on harmful memories of things gone by.  I forget plenty, but I believe that with all the years I have been going to school that it has helped keep me young mentally.  I would like to say physically as well but I can't, too many aches and pains.  My mind seems to be going a mile a minute at times and most of the time it is when I would like to be sleeping or resting.  These are the times when I am the most tired, coming home after a twelve hour graveyard shift and all I want to do is lay down and close my eyes.  My mind then becomes a motion picture theater, repeating the days events and whether or not I forgot to do a certain piece of paperwork or if I paid this or that bill and should I have gone to the store to pick up certain items.  I believe that when a person stops learning, they do start growing old because their mind lays idle and becomes dormant.  Now, I don't say this to be mean because I know some very intelligent people who aren't in school and their minds are in great shape but for me I have a hard time seeing myself not in school, not learning all I can.  I also believe for myself that school does keep my mind young.  I always say I have no fear of growing old but maybe, just maybe, I do in a way.  I enjoy learning new things and going to school is one of those things that I enjoy the most.  Even reading a good book can expand your mind, take you to new places by imagining yourself in the setting of the book.  I know that when I read a library book that I can almost see myself as one of the characters in the book.  So, I think I will keep learning and keep reading.  I want to stay as young as possible for as long as I can!


January 20, 2015


W...we all at some time in our lives try to seek the wisdom of older and wiser people in hopes that they can lead us on our paths of life.  We all want to be able to reach a certain point in our lives where we feel like we can understand all the questions that are asked of us by those who are much younger.  It's a time in everyone's life when we feel accomplished and proud that we are able to help others cope with an ever changing life.

O...or so we would like to at least think that we are accomplished because we know we are proud of the fact that we reached this point in our lives where we want to help others.  Face it, life isn't easy and it gets harder and harder as we grow from infant to toddler to the pre school stage to grade school stage and then the adolescent stage when a teenager is born and young adult and then the toughest one which is becoming an adult and trying to act like one. (to be cont.)