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Previous Journal One

My heart is flooded with so much happiness, words cannot even describe how I feel inside right now. As I write this for all to see, I am filled with so much love for all my family and friends. I am so overwhelmed with the responses that I have received about this site I have made. I am so thankful for all that I have, friends and loved ones that I love so very much. There are two comments in particular that brought a flood of tears to my eyes. The comments were from Buckhorn and Cliffhanger, both of whom I have known for a very long time. They both mentioned how proud my dad (Red River) and my mother would be, (mostly my dad). It is something that I needed to hear very badly for a very long time now. The last time I saw these two men, was at my dad's memorial service where we embraced, five and a half years ago. It does not seem like it has been that long. Many of you did not know my parents or these two wonderful men, I am so very thankful that I had the chance, not only to meet them but to be able to grow to love them very much and their wives and children and be able to keep in touch with them for so long.
I am also thankful for Sharon, not only for the angels I used, but, for the fact that she is going to be linking my web site to hers. I feel very honored that she will be doing this. I feel very blessed to know these people.

Since building this site, I have been so amazed at the responses I have received! Each and everyone of them has been very special to me. My heart is filled with so much love and I feel so truly blessed. There were three responses that had even more special meaning. You see, these three knew my mother and father for quite some time. I have to admit that when I read the two that said Red River would be proud of me, I wept openly! I didn't weep out of sorrow, but, out of pure happiness! I needed to hear these comments, they held great meaning for me.

It is only Saturday the 26th because I am writing this at 2:15 a.m. and I am enjoying the peace and quiet of my house. It has been a very long day, one in which I have learned more patience than I have every really known probably in my whole life. In doing day care, I have come into contact with many different children, some of which have left a lasting imprint in my life and in my heart. All of my kids are very precious and they are all different in their own way, some may be very quiet and shy and some may be very outspoken and not so quiet. I have one that is about six months old and has the lungs of a lioness protecting her young. It isn't that she is sick or hurting, just that she is used to being held the majority of the time, which I will not do. I believe that I am able to calm her down and get her used to not being held so much. She lets me know that she is not a happy camper when I set her down and try very hard to ignore her loud screeching. The one thing that I am absolutely sure of in all babies, quiet or noisy, is that they see things that we adults do not because we have let go of that innocence of long ago and have chosen not to listen with our hearts. Have you ever noticed a small tot or baby look off into space or a corner or even right next to them and they are smiling and giggling? I believe that every small child sees and hears the angels softly whispering words of love in their ears and smiling back at them. Oh, to have such innocence once again! Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could all hear and see the angels? Can you think of anything more precious or special? I cannot! I do however believe that angels are among us and even though we cannot see them, we can close our eyes and clear our minds and at that special moment, a soft breeze passes you by and caresses your cheek with an ever gentle touch, that is when an angel has placed a gentle kiss upon your cheek and that is when, in your heart, you know that is when an angel is watching closely over you to let you know that they are there when you need them the most. We all have a brief moment in time when we can have the innocence of a small child, maybe when we are feeling down, when we are emotionally exhausted or maybe when we are asleep. Just believe in your heart and you may feel them near you. You may just feel that kiss upon your cheek!

Each time that I look at my web page and look at the contents of the guest book, those who have made comments on it, I feel very fortunate and honored to have yet another very special person sign their name and write a very nice comment. It is that of my Anthropology Instructor from one year ago. He is not only one of the best instructors Western Nevada Community College ever had, but also a wonderful, honest human being who I had the privilege to study under. If there was ever a more caring person and one that deserved recognition for his personal work as an Anthropologist and for being one of the best Instructors I have ever known, it is him. I thank him for all that he taught me!

As I get my house in order and hopefully half way decent looking so that when I have my surgery on Monday the 4th, I have absolutely nothing to do when I come home, I am reminded of how truly blessed I am, even when I think, what else could go wrong next! I may grumble and complain as I some times can and will, but I am so thankful for what I have around me and who I have around me. I am thankful for my health! With that, the rest of my aches and pains (which are a few) seem to be trivial. I am able to walk, to see, to hear, to speak, to feel, and most of all, to love and be loved, that is so very much!

Three weeks have gone by since I last wrote anything in my journal. A lot has happened since then.
On June 4th, I had surgery on my left shoulder to repair a torn rotator cuff, along with relieving an impinged tendon, a bone spur and a few other things. Although the recovery is slow and will take a few months to completely get range of motion back, my physical therapist states I am doing very well. I am now able to raise my arm up in front of me pretty far with assistance from my other hand. I have come a long way, compared to a week ago when I could not raise it at all.

July 10, 2001

Friendship never ceases to amaze me! I was one for never believing that I had a lot of friends, well, maybe not in school. I really only had a select few at that time. But, as I look at my life now and where it is, I can honestly say that I have been so truly blessed with friends, not just acquaintances. Friends are precious angels, some will leave and some will stay! But, no matter what happens in life, these angels will always have an impact on you. Their lives will intertwine with yours and sometimes turn your life upside down. I consider all the angels in my life very special and will forever hold them dear to my heart. I often think about the ones that have walked in and out of my life, ones that I never hear from again. These are the ones I find myself thinking about the most, wondering where they are, what they are doing and how life has treated them. They will forever be in my heart!
Life is a continuous circle and doesn't end until the day you take your last breath, but, I believe that even with death, this circle goes on and on, it just starts all over again. However, this circle then has no end! This is how I feel! I believe that when life on this earth is over, a new life begins, one that is so much more complete, filled with so much more love than one has ever known. I actually look forward to that time, knowing that my life has come full circle and ready to start anew. Some of you may think this is not a thing to be talking about, but, if you think about it, it makes perfect sense! What more could a person want?

July 12, 2001

Just yesterday I had the wonderful opportunity to place a very special quote on my site.
It was written by a very well known person who is not only a writer and a speaker, or even an author, but, a wonderful human being who cares so much for others. I see this caring in his writing, it is that of Bob Perks. Some of you may have never heard of this gentleman. I personally have never met him, have never heard him speak, but, I have had the opportunity to correspond with him through e-mail every now and then, in response to something that he has sent out. I think that you will enjoy his quote, "I wish you enough", that is in another section of my site. It is one of the best quotes I have ever read and is so true. You can also view his picture and if you choose, you can go to his site and read more about this wonderful man at http://www.bobperks.com
I think you will enjoy what he has to say! Mr. Perks, if you are out there, thank you for giving me permission to use your quote and sending me that wonderful picture of you to place along side of it. I promise, it will not scare anyone off!

July 12, 2001

I am so proud to be able to tell everyone that my number ten poem has been printed on a greeting card which a friend of mine created with her own photography of the Jersey Shore. She said my poem matched perfectly with her photo. She is sending it out in tomorrows mail so that I can see the finished work. Imagine, one of my poems!
I can hardly believe it myself. To me it is like a dream come true. If I can get her to send me one through the e-mail so that I can post it on my site, I will.
I have had a few people tell me that I should send my poems in to see about getting them published or to a contest. Maybe some day when I get up the courage to do this, I will!
I am not afraid of criticism, that I handle very well, but, it is the idea of being turned down. About six years or so ago when I had my greeting card business I submitted to nine different companies and recieved nine turn downs. Needless to say, my heart was broken. Although my business faded with the move to Nevada, I still have hopes of one day starting it up again.
Well, I just wanted to share this with everyone who visits my site. I have a happy heart and my cup runneth over!

July 14, 2001

It is a beautiful Saturday morning! I was up at 6:30 a.m., why? I have no idea! They say that "the early bird catches the worm!" Well, I guess you have to be quick and awake to catch that worm. Do any of you know what this saying means? I had a very good idea but when I found the true meaning of it, I just had to put it down on paper. It simply means:
"Doing what you have to do earlier gives you the benefit of having a good start. Getting one's responsibilities done on time is so important. If you're late you will often miss out on opportunities."
Well, suffice it to say, I guess I have missed out on a lot of opportunities! My internal clock is set for going to bed very late, and waking up early, only to try and go back to sleep for a couple more hours. I would say there is something wrong with this picture and I need to hit my reset button!
You can also look at this saying in a different perspective, by asking yourself if you are the bird or the worm. I am sad to say that I am the worm the majority of the time, moves way to slow on a short nights sleep. I can also be the bird at times, mainly at night on my computer when I am chatting with late night friends. I am known to just chatter away like a little bird till just a few hours before the sun comes up.
So, all you early birds out there catching those worms, save some for me!

July 15, 2001

It is such a beautiful morning out right now, birds are singing and my windchimes are blowing in the breeze. I marvel at the desert each time I look out into the hills or up at Mount Grant, this mighty mountain that can be seen from any point in town. In the Summer and Fall, it has a little bit of green on it from the little bit of rain that we get. It is like the lion in the jungle, stands so tall, mighty and strong. It seems to call out to you, beckoning you, to come forth! In the Spring and Winter, it is covered with snow and you can feel the icy winds as they travel off the top and it will chill you to the bone. It is truly a beautiful sight, no matter what the season. People that have driven to the top of it, come down with a whole new perspective of this great mountain.
Wouldn't it be great to be like this mountain? To stand so tall and mighty? Life is like a mountain if you think about it! At times you reach a certain point in your life where you have obstacles that get in your way and you must climb, and climb, sometimes wondering if you will ever reach the top, because once you think you have climbed as far as you can, there are other obstacles that will get in your way. But, instead of giving up, climb faster, stronger, higher, with more determination! And, before you know it, you have reached the top. You can look down at all those obstacles and smile or cry or whatever it is that gives you emotional release, and know that you have made it to the top and nothing will bring you down from that high. You will then realize just how strong you really are! So, reflect back on your strongest obstacle in your life and see how far you have come! You will see that you really did reach the top! Be happy with where you are in your life today, stand tall and mighty, and most of all, stay strong!