Previous Thoughts Two


"SAYING GOODBYE"


On September 30, 2001, I was able for the first time since my brothers death, to visit his grave site at the Riverside National Cemetery. As we made our way to his grave, I was a little nervous, because I was not sure how I was going to react. My brother passed away on April 15, 1999 and due to the fact that I was not told of his death at that time, I felt anger at not being able to say good bye to him when it was time. I sat in front of his head stone and it was then that I realized how hard it would be to say good bye. I had my husband, my youngest son, and my close friend Rick beside me as I sat there in silence. I could only stare at my brothers name engraved there in stone and my tears fell openly and without shame. I cried for the times I didn't see my brother, for many reasons, some of which were my own fault and some for which I had absolutely no control over whatsoever. I cried for the year before his death, when I would call and the facility would not let me speak to him. It was then at that moment I felt the anger and for a brief moment, even hatred towards the person responsible for me being unable to tell my brother how much I loved him. My tears grew stronger as I ran my hand across his name and his birth date, he would have been 51 years old five days before on the 25th. I cried for the fact that it appeared that no one had visited his grave since the day he was layed to rest. I knew that there were so many things that I needed to say, so, I sent my husband, my son and Rick away so that I could be alone with my brother. I told my brother how much I loved him and how much it hurt that I was unable to be there for him. I told him things that I needed to say for so very long, things that were bottled up inside of me and as the cap came off that bottle, I spilled a thousand tears along with the words I spoke. It was in the evening when we drove to the cemetery and I sat there until it began to grow dark. I placed the five pink roses by his headstone and kept the sixth one for myself so that not only would I have a remembrance of that day, but, I would feel a little closer to him. Before leaving that night, I prayed and then I knelt and kissed my brother good bye, feeling for the first time in over two years, the closure that I needed so badly. I will forever love my brother and think of him quite often and wait for the day that I am reunited with him once again, but, until then, I will hold his memory and his face close to my heart. I know that my good bye is only temporary.






"FOOD FOR THOUGHT"
Anyone ever ask you what your Philosophy of Education is? Well, this is one of the questions I was asked in my Educational Experience class. I never really thought about it a lot, but this is what I wrote for my class paper. The more I began to think about it, I just started writing and writing. Everyone has their own Philosophy of Education, mine just may be a little different from what others may come up with. I thought I would share it with everyone who visits my site.

My Philosophy Of Education

My Philosophy of Education, is that it begins at home. It begins even before your child comes into the world. I believe that from the moment of conception, a mother begins, “unconsciously” teaching her child. This is a process that goes on for a life time. It is a never ending cycle! For when a child is born, they in turn become the teacher. Each parent and each child will learn from the other. Although a parent is the main caregiver and supplier of a child’s first knowledge of education of the world around them, helping them to adjust and accept whatever comes their way, it is also known that as we grow older, our children become our teachers. It is a process of never ending learning. As a child grows, we as a parent, teach them, love, caring, friendship, how to walk, talk, and the list goes on. Just as a child is in need of learning, a parent in their elderly lives, becomes the student and the child becomes their teacher, showing them the same love, etc., in which the parent taught them. The child can help the parent to be comfortable with who they have become and also adjust with whatever comes their way that they may not be able to handle themselves.

Education continues throughout a persons life, because every day we learn many new things. Giving a person the inspiration and tools they need to become a well productive adult will forever change their lives for the better. Sometimes in life, it takes just one person to say and do the right things, and it will set off a chain reaction that will
continue, like the domino effect. It will give those who come in contact with that one
person a better understanding and they in turn will help someone else who needs the same encouraging words that the first person gave to them.


"TIME"

To realize the value of ten years: Ask a newly divorced couple.

They always say that time flies when you're having fun! But, in the case of the newly divorced, I don't think this applies. It seems as if time stands still! If you were to ask one spouse the value of ten years, they might explain that it was the best years of their lives and to the one who initiated the divorce, they might say that it was the worst ten years of their lives. It is all in the interpretation and who is doing the interpreting. I myself have never been divorced, but I have many friends and family members who have. Each one has their own feelings on the matter and expresses it in their own way. I believe that no matter how long you have been married, time is something that we actually have so little of. We don't always have the time to spend with each other, don't always have the time to do the things we wanted to do or should have done. Sometimes this can make all the difference in the world. There are times when two people seem to be so insync with one another and then the bottom seems to fall right out of their world. When my best friend was divorced from her husband who she had known for quite sometime before they were married, I could not believe what was happening. I should have seen the signs because I was in their home every day doing day care when their now grown daughters were two and four years old. I think I refused to believe the inevitable. It was very hard on her but she learned and grew from it, as do all who become divorced. Time is actually what you make of it! You can choose to make it good and you can choose to make it bad. And, for those who have no choice as to whether it is good or bad, learn from it, grow from it.


"BIG MUD PUDDLES AND SUNNY YELLOW DANDELIONS"This comes from my new internet friend who sends me quotes and wonderful poems and beautiful pictures! Thank you Anjum! God Bless You!
I wish you BIG MUD PUDDLES and SUNNY YELLOW
DANDELIONS..........


When I look at an old drunk and he smiles at me, I see
a smelly, dirty person who probably wants money and I look away.
My kids see someone smiling at them and they smile
back.

When I hear music I love, I know I can't carry a tune
and don't have much rhythm so I sit self-consciously and listen.
My kids feel the beat and move to it. They sing out
the words. If they don't know them, they make up their own.

When I feel wind on my face, I brace myself against
it. I feel it messing up my hair and pulling me back when I walk.
My kids close their eyes, spread their arms and fly
with it, until they fall to the ground laughing.

When I pray, I say thee and thou and grant me this,
give me that.
My kids say, "Hi God! Thanks for my toys and my
friends. Please keep the bad dreams away tonight. Sorry, I don't want to go to
Heaven yet. I would miss my Mommy and Daddy."

When I see a mud puddle I step around it. I see muddy
shoes and dirty carpets.
My kids sit in it. They see dams to build, rivers to
cross and worms to play with.

I wonder if we are given kids to teach or to learn
from?

Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you may
look back and realize they were the big things.

Again I wish you BIG MUD PUDDLES and SUNNY YELLOW
DANDELIONS!!!


SONG PLAYING: "HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LIVE WITHOUT YOU"